Chapter 1 (High-school Baby)
At all times surely never-ending dispute, what brings critics and what offers joys? Out of two possibilities ‘school and college’ what has superior value? Which offers joy? Whether our school days or our college days? Everything comes to be incontrovertible at the time we bid farewell to college.
Now think, what does force you to laugh, whether solving an equation in school or bunking discourses in college? Whether headache acts for cricket matches or contend for job? Interrogate your heart. If not got conclusion, boast yourself and express gratitude to God for such wonderful days that made your ‘Golden Years’.
Since my childhood, I wanted to become an action hero not in movies but in realities. I was a very big fan of Bollywood’s brawny Sunny Deol. A close to hundred times, I watched ‘GHATAK’ and still it’s hard to switch to other channel when it comes on STAR GOLD. Engineering was my biggest passion but the trait of being emotional concerning my future was for many others. Sometime I wanted to join Indian Army and sometime many business plans generated in my mind. Whatever I wanted to become but my wish was only a 543210 life. 5-Figure salary, 4-Wheeler, 3-BHK House, 2-Kids, 1-Beautiful wife, 0-Enemy.
I (JITENDRA) had completed my 10th in 2003 and endeavoring for admission in a genuine school, where I could possess wings to advance through my life. I sought out one as I came across NIC (National Integrated College) and opted Physics, Chemistry and Math (PCM) as main fields of study. However, all subjects were identically conspicuous but PCM group was a deciding agent for future prospect. I was frantic for hitting the books and set out dangerously.
I was 16 years old, at which time in 11th. By this time, pubic hairs begin to grow in private parts. Attraction towards contrary sex, fancy things in sleep, quixotic sentiments, eager desire for genteel lifestyle, scolding for an unused hairstyle, and presenting to view us as a complete man. This age is what when we prefer coffee to milk, hate to share room, own mobile, pocket money, borrowing stuffs from friends, late night sleep, failing in class tests, everything which indicate our growth takes place in this age.
I also began to lookout for girls. I had punctuated on headache excuses for cricket matches; I was much infatuated about Akansha. She existed in great quantity, more truly than anything did.
We came face to face in coaching classes, where only she and me from NIC. Timing of our classes was from 5am to 7am. I began to move for coaching from the passage of her home, which was on a little way. I loved to stay outside of her home and then going together for coaching. Visioning her in sleep, visualizing her in my dwelling place, coffee with her, movie, lunch, shopping and sharing every portion of time with her made me pleased and contented.
Certain fictitious love-tale accounted ‘I am in love’, although I was not to be acquainted with the actual meaning of love. The sense of touch, the choice of words, the sort of expressions, the kind of emotions one have when in love, in real I did not had sense about all, but something unlike was taking place which, had changed my nights.
Once after the coaching class she asked me for jogging on a daily basis. I always used to find the ideas of spending time with her. That was an excellent favorable occasion for me of spending certain additional time with her. Time was passing pleasantly except an unknown object of thought, which was missing.
Once during the time of jogging in the park I asked to her,
’’In what way one ought to propose a girl?’’ My paroles equaled filmy and mayhap her likewise… fantabulous… when she responded,
’’Simply by saying ‘I Love you’.’’
Although it was, my eager desire behind taking this but I didn’t anticipate straight answer from her.
“Is it enough to say?” I asked. My artlessness was obvious to the eye.
Akansha- “Yeah… but one ought to put forward in accordance with what is morally right.”
I grasped her hands and knelt to articulate,
’’ I don’t know what’s in you, you’ve taken my heart. If love exists, I am in love with you. To hold your hands I want to become your partner…”
Akansha- “Are you nuts, you playing a trick on me? It looks quite literary.”
“Yes total literature that I composed… ‘Only for You’.” I said.
Akansha- “Really…, says something more, these words taken my heart and soul.”
I had to sound most effective. I cleared my throat and…
“They say there is a destiny for everyone. It was my grandmother for my grandpa; it was mom for my father, I wish you could be my destiny. I will be lucky if you were my girl.’’
I didn’t have an approximation of what it would cost, what probably would her reaction. What her lips murmured softly was round straight,
“These are the dearest lines of all time I heard even in movies”.
I was looking for answer else, she was admiring for what I didn’t compose. Mr. Goel says it’s better to be hated for what you are then to be loved for what you are not but my excessive desire to posses her love caused me greedy and liar.
Akansha- ’’It’s little bit awkward to say love but my heart realized. It’s always a warm affection when you are with me, this feeling is as good as a literary subject.’’
These lines were confusing too. She didn’t talk plausibly before…,
I explored by a sensation of touch in her warmth when she kissed me. A kind of shivering went through my body when her soft fingers came across my shoulders. I asked to my heart,” Is it love?” A voice from my heart,” Yes it is love.” The sort of feelings, emotions and expressions one have when in love are unexplainable. Those feelings cannot be represented in words, those emotions are difficult to define and those expressions are impossible to act.
I began to watch romantic movies of Salman Khan. Everybody desire for things held necessary to life or happiness or success but I desired for possession of a style like Salman. His dressing sense, body, manner of expression, everything I noticed as the phenomena had to be occurring in real. In movies whenever Salman removed his shirt, I noticed my girl always influenced. I still remember that was earliest in time when I quested for best gym in town. Numerous students of my age have had posters of their Deities in room but I had Salman and soon after ‘TERE NAAM’ the biggest blockbuster of that time which was a musical hit too released. In that exceptional movie, Nirjala enamored all the men's hearts. I wanted to have a girl as the one so will Nirjala but mine was quite unlike.
Once on the eve of Deepawali we planned to meet in temple. I was conceiving her in a pure unadulterated Indian dress, in Sari or in lehanga or at least in Patiala Suit. I was waiting for her from more than an hour not because she arrived after the expected or usual time but I stretched out early by an hour. She came on time and reacted,
’’ You have been waiting for a long time’’.
’’ No, I came just as you are…’’ I pretend with intent to deceive.
Nothing happened as I had conceived. She slew of my expectations. She dressed a typical low waist twilled cotton Capri and a top, which was leaving her neck, shoulders and part of breast, exposed.
’’Why are you in rags”? I asked with not much anger in my words.
Akansha- “What you have in mind… These are not rags”
“At least on this occasion you should be dressed like an Indian woman, like sari and all…’’. I said in a certain way to palpate her mind-set.
Akansha- ’’Sari, Lehenga and other similar kind are very uncomfortable in possession…’’.
I sensed youth don’t feel concern for distinctive cultural limitations. People in general firstly look upon for comfort and freedom. All people hold the right of freedom and we ought to value of them but what about our civilization and its limitations? Comfort doesn’t entail the state of being vulnerable or exposed. Characteristic of a lack of maturity is similar to a small immature sparrow on the windowsill not yet having developed feathers.
“At least for once put on a similar garment in order to see whether it looks nice”. I encouraged especially.
Akansha- “My parents don’t have problem… You please don’t be confronted with”? She reacted negatively to everything I say
“I was just bespeaking…”
“Sorry but I can’t” She enlarged more than normal degree.
After her stout refusal to Indian apparels I didn’t argue a lot so that, it could enrage her on me and take away to harsh me constantly. I loved her a lot in the way she was.
I didn’t took off anything even a single moment for want of being with her. Be it devout supplications in temples or assembly pray in school or a birthday party of her friend. Some more things with whom I fell in love were Campaigning, propaganda, etc all these were awesome junctures for me to take with her. Plantation during Green festival, preparation for cultural activities, cleanness, camping, and consciousness programs on Polio, Plastics, AIDS, etc, we walked together.
On all occasions, whatever the circumstances I always encircled by school texts. My mind desired to keep an eye on but deliberately denied by heart. It was busy in earning essential qualities for making her mine. Numerous metrical compositions come into existence. Getting cards from market and writing my composition over them, then waiting for her to wish a festival didn’t matter what kind of that was with the kind of desire that tend to affect result. My intention was just making her to go through my compositions and letting her to know, someone in this existing animate is in truly love with her.
I am not going to harp on about how messed of my study. You can imagine the plight of it. Bi-yearly exams were on head and I had made souvenirs of my books. They were still new and could be selling on market rate.
Finally, the day came that greatly astonished me. My mind squeezed. Eyes were still at peak of the pyramid but something flushed me ground. Biyearly examinations schedule been mentioned on the bulletin board. Only seven days left to survive and suppose to hang on eighth by Physics. The biggest blatant, there was no gap amid of examinations. Improper perception of reality deviated me from track. I was a duffer who had to face exams, which I had to carry through by effrontery.
Although I was not mature enough, but that existing animate had taught me much except quitting the game. I became mentally decrepit but I had to strive to overcome fear, for my dignity, for my parents and for Akansha.
That was the first at what time I bunked school. I returned home and took all my books out. I counted that entire. How much I had to cover, just to clear the exams. I facilitated the syllabus and thoroughly dressed up it but that rather made the system intricate. Mr. Goel says,” For optimum consequent, one ought to concern about the complications.” However, I studied for several hours.
Sometime such to a certain complications come to an end to induce lessons. That critical point in drama removed the curtains and gave me lesson on importance of well-balanced life. Premature love, attraction towards contrary sex, thinking of in sleep, and all are the stages of change. One ought to take delight largely than to complicate these not to be forgotten worth remembering moments.
I appeared in all papers to try my best but chemistry drove me nuts. I was very weak in chemistry so decided to nail down that peculiar by some illegal mean. I geared up with some chits and put them under of my shoes. The test paper made me happier in the examination hall. I got wages for my preparation. I attacked on a large portion of test paper and placed that amazing matter again under my shoe. Invigilator came for checkout procedure.
’’ What the hell is in your shoe?’’ Invigilator exploded.
A shiver of surprise shot ran across my body. I turned my eyeball onto my shoes while keeping my neck still.
“Yes yes I am asking to you?” He pointed on me.
All began to stare at me with amazement. I was not aware of the chit whom I was carrying in my shoe was a bit out of it noticed by invigilator.
’’ What sir…? Nothing sir…’’ I replied mildly to show my whiteness.
“What the hell all are you looking for? Do your work.” He exasperatedly shouted on rest.
“Shit all went waste”. Restriction I expected to be true.
I sensed my leg shivering. Few sweat drops had birthed on forehead. All, which I render idiotic in movies, was going on thoroughly with me. Some time if falling with driving bike, the part that seizes first is engine. Here the scene was different; the thing that went out of action was my brain.
“I will fall in his feet. I will do anything to survive.” ‘Please God’ save me last time, I implored.
He may expel me from either exam or scold; instead, that big human lessoned me in a very blue tone, “Sox may produce better chance of success, shoe work as mouse trap. It is better to keep chits in sox”.
The astonishment you feel when something very unexpected happens to you. Unquestioningly and uncritically, I began to believe in spirit. That was the first in a countable series when I gave thank to God at a price of making such fantastic mortal. However, there are enormously a few people have an existence in a universe the one that having a luck like me.
Invigilator progressed to adjacent student. They even did not inquire more or less about chits. They absolved my penalization, not for the reason that they were acquainted with my meritorious achievement; on the contrary, their intention was not to criticize and demoralize me. They taught me the most positive lesson of mode of living I ever so earn on moral transaction. The lesson of the story, “Don’t scold, criticize, or demoralize sensually to any person if the object of affection and devotion can restore what is torn or broken. One genuinely does not need a personified abstraction to ascertain the basics of animation. God has featured everything to make us educate, we simply need to induce purpose to discover from the existing animate.”
I submitted my answer sheet to the invigilator and departed the examination castle. I didn’t attack on whole paper; however, touched sufficiently to satisfy the result. I genuinely couldn’t acknowledge about what goanna the final upshots but the transitional stage of being knot free of exam tension was splendid. Even a saw buckled when it hit a knot; my mind was comparatively fragile and demanded peculiar treatment to recrystallize. I returned abode, changed the dress, ringed to my acquaintances and went to play cricket. I even didn’t took my food and threw my school belongings in a corner for cricket. What can be the extent of loving a game more than denying food?
As I reached on playground, all my felicitousness resumed its old condition. All my tensions had burned-out. Even that time Akansha had also moved out from my subconscious mind. I enjoyed the eventide light across the lake. I play cricket for the reason that I love this dope more than anything something just mentioned previously.
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